74 posts from 2007

2007 was an interesting year for me.
As they all are.

It started with an assumed certainty. This was the year I learned that no matter how much you plan, and no matter how seemingly guaranteed those plans are, they can fall apart. My plans were scattered to the winds, and I learned for the first time what it felt like to be aimless and without direction. To have your map suddenly torn away and you realize you're lost in the thick of it all with no directions or compass. I also lost my mind a few times with the Vagina Monologues, but I also had one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I will never forget that moment that moment that the curtain went up, and how good it feels to see something you have worked so hard on come to life. I learned to bond with women in a way I never had before, and how to lead them into doing something incredible. I suffered intense senioritus, but I don't regret all the time I spent procrastinating with friends. I burned out intensely, but survived to help end things well (making sure POWER was all in order for the following year). I lost another significant other to something I never saw coming. I spent much of the year pondering over my love life, being single, and understanding myself. I started to feel disconnected, for the first time, from Lafayette. I had a wild summer of partying and insanity, working and laughing. I saw my dearest friends scattered to the winds. I threw caution and crush to the wind for the first time. I moved to the biggest city I have ever lived in, on my own. I spent an extended period of time alone, learning how to survive in the big city. I made incredible new friends. I had my heart broken by someone who had already broken it once, but not before learning from him. I suffered extreme procrastination. I started to really dig deep into introspection.

What will 2008 bring?

More growth. New friends. New beginnings. As well as continuation of old friendships, and things I have understood for a long time.

I will live this upcoming year like all those in the past - moment by moment, and then still taking those occasional necessary glances to the future. I will work hard on helping others, but without sacrificing myself. I will make the most of everything that is given to me, and take advantage of the opportunities that are laid before me. I will work hard, and play harder. I will learn to continue to overcome societal expectations. I will learn as much as I can. I will continue to evolve into the person I want to be.

I don't believe in New Years resolutions. Why only try to make positive changes once a year? My life is a constant series of resolutions that either stick or don't.

My general theory is this - everyday, try to better yourself. Try to evolve. Everything that happens, does so for a reason. Learn from everything. Learn how to can take these lessons into your being to make yourself better.

I wish all of you a happy new year. May you find joy, laughter, and love. May you make the best out of every moment. May you understand yourself better.

But most of all...may you make the world a better place this year, even more so than years before.

Happy New Year World. Let's make 2008 great.

Essence of the Missed (San Fran CL)

the internet -- such a strange medium.

But i don't know how to tell you in person.

I'll give this a shot because there is nothing to lose

I know this is a long shot,

If you know this woman, please respond.

I would love to get to know you a lot better.

I am sooo shy . . .

I wanted to tell you that I thought you were cute but I didn't.

You are my dream girl. I suppose you will remain as such, a dream.

Maybe you will get this and email?

please love me forever and ever and ever and ever.

I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.

I hope I remember how much I enjoyed you from a distance, now that I've decided to close it.

Look for the signs I leave for you, I'll be there soon.

Meet me tonight (new year's eve) where me met and maybe we can toast to innocence and other obscure things?

My name has not changed,

Love Red

-the girl behind the counter

Hot and Cold Magic (Chicago CL)

"While it's true, all straight things must bend."

I am waiting to see if you'll join me.

I know how it could end because I already know the beginning.

It's strange, new and quite an exciting feeling.

who knows, maybe it's about as imaginary as true love or buttermilk pancakes served hot in bed by trained unicorns.

You have a warm and beautiful smile.

I can't accept the huge possibility that I may never see you again

But you run hot and cold and -- worse yet -- not at all.

and then you left me

after kissing my eyelids

Merry Xmess to all.

Santa was good to me, I got the digital camera I've been wanting really badly. I'm super pumped about getting to start taking pictures with a camera that won't make everything blurry if you breathe while taking the picture.

I cooked dinner, which was prime rib, roasted potatoes, and a salad.

That's right - meat and potatoes. All American.

Unfortunately I haven't eaten that much meat in awhile and my stomach is now crying from having to take the abuse. My stomach just isn't producing the same enzymes for meat as it used to. But, it was pretty tasty.

Tomorrow we're going shopping and taking advantage of the post-festivities sales. I need pants and rolling luggage, and my parents always need...something. Hah.

Ok well off to be with the familial units.

Let it be known that I beat Erin in scrabble like woah.

Conversations in the Snow

You were with some guy in a get-up that made him look like a lumberjack hipster.

We had a very interesting conversation, about hair, death and it was great.

I was unable to stop the deletion.

we're all just human beings, trying to get it together...

Without you I am so detached.

I try to listen with my heart to your heart, always.

I need you by my side, speaking softly into my ear.

And, evey December I think of you like no tomorrow

Just a quick bit since I just found out - I just got a job interview for the self-defense store opening up on Belmont!!! Cross your fingers that I get this job - it would be an amazing experience! Working with self-defense products at a great location near the train line in the gayborhood! Wish me luck - the interview is tomorrow!!

So, let me lay out the past few days for you.

This weekend I spent the time either doing things I had pre-planned with friends (Friday night birthday, Saturday night birthday, Sunday play). I spent all day Sunday getting lost trying to find the play I was going to and then getting home from said play. The play was indeed amazing though - Machos, put on by Teatro Luna. If you live in or around the Chicago area they are doing another round of performances. It's an incredible production, and it certainly made me think about masculinity and men in a new way.

Anyway. so what time I didn't spend doing fun stuff I spent doing homework. I finished the harder-than-I-expected take home final and figured I'd be good for the rest of the week.
Monday I edited my take home final and submitted it. I began studying for my Tuesday final.
Tuesday I studied all day and took my far easier than I expected final.
Tuesday night I began working on my Wednesday take-home final. I began to get a little whispering in my brain that something might not work out how I expected.
Then on Wednesday I woke up earlier than usual and began working on my take home final.
And I worked
and I worked
and I worked.
It was busting my ass! It was for my diagnosis and treatment planning class - and it ended up being a lot trickier than I expected. I'm STILL not sure about some of those answers I put down. I turned it in 1 minute after the deadline. I realized TEN minutes before it was due that I had accidentally SKIPPED A QUESTION.  So I had to answer that...and trust me, it is not easy to write down treatment recommendations for a kid with Major Depressive Disorder and some sort of Conduct Disorder in TEN MINUTES.
Oy.
So after that my brain was DONE for the day - completely fried. Now mind you, I love diagnosing. It's like putting together an incredibly intricate puzzle and it fascinates me to no end. But it's mentally exhausting. So I spent the rest of the evening playing video games, starting to catch up on Heroes episodes, and reading in my book. I'm currently reading Cloud of Sparrows.

Cloud of Sparrows

Takashi Matsuoka

Dear People Who Live Above Me-

Seriously. You do not need to walk around 24/7, running water every hour on the hour. If you are going to walk around, please attempt not to do it like an angry rhinoceros. Also, if you DO run water please do not run it pointlessly for an extended period of time - it makes my sink gargle like it's going to vomit up  wretchedness from the bottom of the pipes. If you must move around everything in your apartment, please do not do it at 3 am. I have no idea what compels you to walk incessantly, but please - stop stomping as you do it.

Second Chance Cupcakes

now i know: that was the moment, right then; there has been no other.

it will be nice to get a second chance.

I try to replay in my mind what really transpired between the two of us and I'm always left hanging on the parameters of isolation and confusion.

Sometimes you seem busy, annoyed. Perhaps it's what you do for a living.

I think you are my new hero.

my heart skipped a beat somewhere between the frozen foods and produce section

"so, want one of my cookies? they have a little weird consistency, but they're okay, but if you don't want one i won't be offended..blabber blabber nervous blabber"

Me: Avid vegan cupcake fan

You are all goddess deep down and you deserve the best.

"If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question."

The words are so perfect for how you faded.

We did not withstand the test of time.

Girl, I'm gonna be in trouble. I'm at work emphacimically laughing.